drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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