Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
