I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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