I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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