im having a threesome with these popsicles
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
