just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
