I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
