remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
