You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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