so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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