sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
