Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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