non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
