If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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