She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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