I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize