My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just invented taco cereal.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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