Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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