We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
