Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
