Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
