I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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