if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
