I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His hands were made for my vagina.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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