I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You work out of a Hotel?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
