So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
