I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
