I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize