So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
