he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
