he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
