Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
