"it" just moved
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
