sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
