dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
