Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
