Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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