I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
