just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
