I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
