"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
