i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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