so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
