Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My pussy is not your playground.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
