it wasn't lemon gatorade
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
