I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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