I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
