i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
