the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
