Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
