My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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