she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
