do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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