These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
