what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
