I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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