when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize