Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
