She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
