you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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