I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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