nut hugger
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
