When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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