He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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