Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
