How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
