i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
