I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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