OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
