I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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