p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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