I think I died a long time ago.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
