i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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