i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
