i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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