My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
