Umm I'm too high to move.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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