I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize