Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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