she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize