Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
