Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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