There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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