Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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