He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
