I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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