Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
