I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
