woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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