I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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