Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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