You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
