i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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