I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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