what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
