I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
