remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
