If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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