i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
