U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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