I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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