tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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